Well….it’s time to talk about adoptive parent loss…..I have to say I really didn’t feel this too too much, but I know a lot of adopting people feel it greatly.

What I did think was funny is a comment I read on a blog that said they were turning 40 and felt “old and barren”. Yikes if you put it that way…..arrrgghhh  I guess I do feel loss. No offense to the blogger, but I feel sad that anyone would see themselves that way especially after adopting a child. Even though I am an ancient 40 and my womb has been laid off forever, I don’t really feel old or barren, I feel young and tired….young and fat…(thanks to the twenty pounds, not sleeping, stress and no exercise brings…..weee hooo…..mommy is nipping that in the bud as we speak) I feel blessed and over joyed, I feel blessed and motherly, I feel blessed and blessed….but not old nor barren.

BUT!!!! I understand others feel that way. I think I had one twenty four hour period where I mourned the child I will never give birth to. I think I cried the whole time, Aria was very little at the time, I think 2 months old. And a lot was going on, I had found out that her case was quickly heading towards adoption and a lot of emotion was just flooding out.

I think I was more crying over not being with a partner than not giving birth to a child, but they do go hand in hand. You see, even though I’m single I have been in an emotional relationship all of my life. First with one man and then with another. These are complicated relationships, but if I were to die today (God forbid) there would be a man who would stand at my grave and say he was my partner, sadly it probably would take death for him to admit that….but well…that’s life and yeah it sucks, that’s why I packed my bags and moved on, but it doesn’t make it any less sad.

So not to be lame, but in my younger years I was really hot. Now, not so much, but then yeah. I picked men I loved, but they were always complicated men who were never (and still aren’t) ready to grow up. I liked their childlikeness, but eventually we all have to grow up….so I did.

Therefore adoption for me is not about loss but about gain….about finally filling voids in life that love and family bring. To me adoption was about a life renewed and celebrated.

And frankly what am I going to give birth to? A better child than this one? A more beautiful a more loving a more perfect child? There is no such child on this planet. And when little India comes, I’ll feel the same way…..these are MY children, the ones God wanted me to mother and they are perfect and beautiful and no child of my loins…..ha ha ha will be more my child than they are….so um….I’ll skip the morning sickness and the weight gain and go straight to motherhood, thanks

I feel some women and families feel that not procreating a child somehow negates their existence, since biologically that is our real purpose in life. And I really empathize with that, miscarriages are like little deaths of hopes and dreams for that child, for infertile couples, it’s a big death to their future as parents. I totally understand and that can really bring a sense of post traumatic stress….I think a lot of couples enter adoption still processing that loss.

Single people, process the loss of a husband and the loss of children….so there is loss in adoption for adoptive parents as well as birth parents and as I will write later, adoptees themselves.

Being mindful and kind about loss is always wise when discussing adoption, but that being said, in our family adoption brought hope.

I one hundred percent believe that Aria’s adoption has saved my mother’s life. She had many opportunities to die this year (diverticulitis that caused a lung embolism, a car accident that she shouldn’t have walked away from and a fall with all of her body weight to her head that caused severe bleeding) But I think she pulled through for Aria.

The two of them have such a special bond. Aria adores her. My sister said that Aria healed our family and I know that is true…..so for our family adoption has given us HOPE! Adoption is love and gain, not loss. And I know that adopting families always eventually come to this conclusion and are grateful and happy for their adoption, but it doesn’t mean that there wasn’t loss in the beginning.

But seriously I don’t think I could do better than this little cutie

She’s the child I always wanted.

I’m not “old and barren”, I’m young and blessed!!!! YEAH ME!